he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize