I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
