So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
