put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
