is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
