our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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