i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
