We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
