Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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