He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
