He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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