we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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