I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want nice things and good sex
pray to the hookup gods
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
