The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
