guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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