Your mouth is God's brothel.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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