I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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