Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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