I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
