He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize