she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
