If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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