tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
