I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
