doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
