There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
