how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
