also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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