I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
