I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
