If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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