You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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