fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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