I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
