When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
