I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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