I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize