Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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