Moan for me like Helen Keller
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
