Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
