Need sex. Gaining weight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
