There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We got so high we made milksteak
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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