the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize