I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
another moral hangover. fuck.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
