i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
