I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
