You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
