Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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