the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
