I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
