we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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