I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
