I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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