I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
