I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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