my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just had sex on a roof
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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