never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
