a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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