We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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