This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize