I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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