DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
