We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
