walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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