True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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