Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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