i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
