I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
