All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize