Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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