Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
