I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
