addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
