Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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