They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
