That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
