my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize