Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
