The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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