Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
