And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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