Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
that is very illegal...i love you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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