It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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