Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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