My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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