My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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