Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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