yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
