So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
