My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My balls are so social today.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
