I hate your face
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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