Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
