FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
