Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
