so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
