so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
