I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
