I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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