Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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