Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
