conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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