One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
